Log in

The Howling [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ website | Visit My Web Mall ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Happy Birthday [Feb. 4th, 2009|09:21 am]
Happy Birthday to Startide! *Sends you a bucket of fish* :)
link4 comments|post comment

Happy Birthday [Jan. 20th, 2009|12:18 pm]
Happy Birthday to Lunar_Dragoness. Hope your day is a special one. :)
link1 comment|post comment

Reprinted From a Trusted News Source [Jan. 13th, 2009|02:26 pm]
WASHINGTON—In preparation for the traditional task of welcoming his successor to the Oval Office, outgoing president George W. Bush canceled all his appointments and press conferences Monday so he could spend the day outfitting his desk with a series of traps, gags, and hair-trigger switches. "Oh, man, is he gonna get it," the president said after rearranging the letters on his computer keyboard and supergluing the direct-line-to-the-Pentagon telephone to its base. "If the 44th president is anything like me, he'll grab this can of peanuts to snack on when he's talking to the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and when he does—bam! Right in his face!"

As one of his last official acts in office, Bush reportedly rigged the presidential drawers, chair, and ceiling fan with a number of inconveniencing though harmless devices, including Vaseline-covered pens, fishing-line trip wires, a saltshaker with the top unscrewed, a fake set of nuclear launch codes, an inflated whoopee cushion, and a drawerful of pickles. After backing slowly away from his desk, the president informed his top aides that, if he can get back from the inauguration quickly enough, he also plans to place a bag of canine excrement near the Rose Garden door and set it aflame.

"The commander in chief has successfully executed this mission with precision and decisiveness," said White House press secretary Dana Perino, speaking to reporters with large black circles around her eyes. "Unfortunately, he is not able to return to his desk for the remainder of his term due to all the thumb tacks, but he will continue to lead the nation from the Roosevelt Room."

Taking his place in a long history of executive office shenanigans that began with President Martin Van Buren's famous sneezing-in-Jackson's-coffee prank of 1837, Bush carefully drafted his personal letter to the next president on White House stationery, filled the envelope with glitter, and then used rubber cement to secure the letter to the bottom of his desk's right-hand drawer.

In what may turn out to be his greatest presidential prank, Bush also has spent the previous eight years damaging the American economy beyond repair and bogging the country down in an unwinnable war with a sovereign Middle Eastern nation.
link2 comments|post comment

Happy Birthday to grlsctgnbad [Jan. 9th, 2009|12:50 pm]
And a very special happy Birthday to grlsctgnbad. Hope all is well with you and you get to spend the day doing something special.

*Snugs and slurps your nose*

link1 comment|post comment

The End Is Near! [Jan. 9th, 2009|12:45 pm]
Oh no..OH NO! It's all true. The flying spaghetti monster DOES exist! The Pastafalians are right! And he's PISSED and attacking England!



All now must heed this warning and convert and surender to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. O.O
linkpost comment

The American Way... [Jan. 1st, 2009|02:51 pm]
Now that the election is over

The rest of the world cannot understand how after bitter election campaigns,
American politicians can return to reality. For instance, Sarah Palin has
invited to her great state of Alaska the men who defeated her,
Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

She has provided a moose hunting trip for their enjoyment and
has hired two other prominent men to assist them.

Dick Cheney will instruct them in safe gun handling.

Ted Kennedy will drive them back to their cabins in the evening.

What a gal! That Sarah is such a sport and thinks of everything!
link2 comments|post comment

An Atheist In The Woods... [Dec. 28th, 2008|02:56 pm]
An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees!"

"What powerful rivers!"

"What beautiful animals!"

He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him

At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very Well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
link2 comments|post comment

Humor... [Dec. 25th, 2008|10:20 pm]
This HAS to be a BRITTISH commercial. :P

link2 comments|post comment

Holy Shit!... Litterally.... [Dec. 19th, 2008|09:10 pm]
Is it just ME or can you actually see the image of Christ in the backside of this dog? O.o

link3 comments|post comment

WTF kind of TAX is THIS!??? [Dec. 18th, 2008|11:41 am]
Welcome to the State of New York, where they dream up the craziest ways to try and tax the citizens. And what's even crazier is THEY GET AWAY WITH IT!

Everybody who lives here and is a smoker already knows about the outrageouse tax on a pack of cigarettes. Now we present to you the "obesity" tax. Just what is THIS tax? Well, I'll tell you. If you buy diet soda, you pay the regular price. If you buy NON diet soda, there is a tax put on it JUST because it's NOT diet. What's next? A tax on just RED meat???
link5 comments|post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]